I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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