youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the condom got lost in my hair
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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