Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
no, he came in my armpit
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
