Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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