Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
