Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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