I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can you bring me the toilet please
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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