you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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