Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize