i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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