I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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