dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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