why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
