i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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