She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
