I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
