Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
