I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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