why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
