Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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