I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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