I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
