we have pet lesbian snakes
only if we run a train.
done.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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