I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
