after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
