Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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