Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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