she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is this the sara with the beer cane?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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