im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
