Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
