Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
