I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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