You're so nebulous sometimes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
