Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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