He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
