At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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