My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
