I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
