Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
