you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
