Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
