Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
