We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
