Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
