It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
