dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
