How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
