I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize