Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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