i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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