can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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