you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
