I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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