well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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