Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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