and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
