You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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