dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
