Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
