yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
