I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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