Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
50% drunk capacity currently
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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