take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
