i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
