Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
