You can't special order awesome
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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