Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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